Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize