Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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