he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
