I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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