watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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