Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
