so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I understand Curling. That high.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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