You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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