and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
