just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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