It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
