I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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