I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
