did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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