Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize