He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
