i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
