My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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