i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
