I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
