I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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