We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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