is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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