Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
