My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
