Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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