i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
