I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
