He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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