I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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