i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
