actually, I'm a sock model
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
