Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she looked like the before picture.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
