she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
