i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Let's get the cat blown out
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
