im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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