farters have to be the big spoon...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
