i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
