I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
