My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
