In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
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