no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
