I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
