he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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