Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
