she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
even my farts smell like vagina
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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