I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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