Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
