Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
