Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
