Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize