drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
