I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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