just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
