Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Randomize
