That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
