Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
