i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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