Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im having a threesome with these popsicles
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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