I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
