I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
nutella sex= disaster
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
