when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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