You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
birth control should be required to get into college
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
