um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
he shaved USA in his pubs
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
