New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
