Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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