Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
